Covid19 ressurection - Locked down in Yorkshireshireshire. Part 7

Crackleport sending festive greetings and turkey flavoured jottlingtons from 'The Shire'.  Quick reminder - I'm located at a secret location in 'The Shire' called 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'. World famous in the masonic lodges of oilyness for proper shoestring engineering. You haven't seen the secret vintafake masons handshake? Then you are yet to be invited into the inner sanctum and experience the 10 year old Carrot Whisky or the falling down rhubarb cider. Until then follow the ways of the Old Oilyracers because one day my friend you may be approached to join them. Turn the offer down and you will be banished into the wilderness of bling and chinese manufactured G5 phones for everrrrrrr! Yep, all G5 is secret listening for China World takeover. (So don't tell them ya name Pike!)

But today....no hand shaking.....or loin rubbing...just under-arm elbow knocking because the new normal continues....The Shire is still locked down with the firmest rules. Lot's of naughty 'Shiresters' have been playing out at the shops and socializing at pubs over a 'Scotch Egg' and a 'pint of Best', and the kids (who should know better) have been going to school!!!

But fear not ....The plan to obtain legal papers for Walter continues, researching on the internettlewebby can turn up some unusual snippits of information. Anything to put Walter in a time and place would be useful but he has shunned officialdom for decades. The time has come, he now needs to be put on the big mother computor at DVLA.

Here's an interesting photograph from a couple of years after Walters birth taken at the Raleigh factory. In fact capturing forever the very birthing conveyor that Walter travelled on, and even more probable the very same birthing engineers.

1928 - The Sultan of Zanzibar, Seyyid Khalif and his son Abdallah, inspect the modern ways of motorcycle manufacture on a state visit.

But for what reason was the Sultan really visiting Raleigh? In fact why was he in Blighty at all?  State visit my arse, he was maybe bagging a few more wives?, discussing the possibility of leaving his son to attend jolly old Eton? or negotiating a discount on bulk purchase of bicycles faster than lions!

 Nice to know Walter has a fine heritage.....more to follow..

Did anyone mention beer? Oh thanks, mines a flagon of porter if ya don't mind. 

A toast to Brexit..for the hour cometh....bless Boris and all who sail in him...may the french keep their scallops and may the small route to the trappist monasteries of Belgium through the butterwoods be kept open to travellers from Blighty! Cheers!!!!

Covid19 ressurection - Locked down in Yorkshireshireshire. Part 6

Crackle calling Splut.....Are you receiving ..Over....Crackle calling Splut...Confirm operation 'Covid19 canal side' ...over...

Sput receiving loud and clear...can confirming operation 'Covid19 canal side' is go!!    Over and out. 

A date was set. Sunday 29/11/20.  Under the cover of performing outdoor exercise we would meet at Checkpoint Saltaire Brauerei on Dockfield Straße. Splut would bring Little Walt's engine and I would exchange it for sausage sandwiches and coffee. This was a meeting frought with danger because Borisk Von  Ulbricht-Johnson UK's dictator and komica had imposed almost martial law across the country due to the SARS-CoV-2 pandemic.  NO MEETINGS...IT IS ZE LAW !! Another special law made too late to have any effect by the Conservative Bureau de Backhanders. 

Splut would be coming from the East across the Drehbrücke dem Shipley. I would make my way from the West using the Esholt Hauptstaße through the sewage works.

10.00 a.m. The mist hovered over the canal. Nobody about but the occasional E'biker and a couple of joggers trying not to slip in the mud. Down the straße only one other vehicle was visible. This was an 'L' driver fully occupied trying to overcome the effects of using 'Kangeroo petrol' with a heavy clutch foot.

Greetings...Splut I presume. 

Indeed it is 'I' Alb.

An elbow knock to confirm friendship before the trunk of Spluts transporter was opened to confirm the engine was present complete with a blinding gleem. It was indeed the real deal!!! Hurray. 

Lying on clean bedding too.

Sausage sandwich old chap? Well deserved. I also have a flask of piping hot mulled wine to share. 

Oh yes!!!      Quickly poured before a customary clink of goblets ......Cheers !!!

Sandwich of The Shire of York'  (Pork sausage, fried tomato and a good dollop of brown sauce all squashed into a T'cake) What's not to like.? Keeps the cold out too!

Splut tucks in.......Celebrating mission accomplished !!! -  Engine delivered, and all grub eaten -2 x sausage sarnies down the hatch, mulled wine, couple of coffees and finish off with a KitKat biscuit...

And with that we both departed with a hearty wave, disappearing into the mist like it never happened.

Covid19 ressurection - Locked down in Yorkshireshireshire. Part 5

Greetings..It is 'I' your scribe Albert Crackleport sending a sanitized missive into the digital mayhem that is now controlling life on planet Earth. Mega-omputors collating every scrap of personal data....the power of Google... Don't end up like Paul Bennewitz....being sucked in to the matrix....Ah, too late most of G4 receivers are already lost.  Good job I have the sense to convert all Vintafaking news into analogue...If ya fitted with valves then yipee....ya incoming waves will continual ebbing and flowing......non stop Amplitude Modulated........ Cats Wisker twitching off the scale!

Here's what communication on the airwaves looked like when Little Walt took to the road for the first time.... in around 1926...    Saturday night special - Miss Rene Maxwell belting out a good la la la sing song in screechy soprano...eeeekkk!

Danger....Valve about to blow.....

Oh, Let's fast forwaaaard to the year 2020. The month of November, What can I say without repeating myself......I'm still in Lockdown. A new word for 2020 and now spoken in every sentence. Understood by all and adhered to by few. Hey it's worth 18 points on the scrabble board though.

That's my life...Locked down - I'm ok with that, not like I'm short of shed projects. The engine of Little Walt is still being fed and watered at Spluts Polishing Shop. Caught in the Covid19 anti movement net. Will be a bit of a bummer if I'm charged storage.!!! Can I get it back?  Maybe I can do a Click and Collect? or pay with shadow economy currency......How does a gallon of stout sound? or maybe a clandestine meeting with Splut down by Thackley Railway Tunnel disguised as twitchers?

 Yep, gonna contact Splut and see if he has an old raincoat and binoculars...Nobody will suspect.

Posh.....beer.  (Scrabble score 6 points).  

Covid19 ressurection - Locked down in Yorkshireshireshire. Part 4

 #22/09/2020 Albert here. News update. The Covid is once again raging outside. The germs are winning and quickly spreading. A second wave. So tonight I warn you that the situation is once again very serious. Even Boris thinks so. Little Walt's engine has become trapped at Basils Polishing Shop. With no end to freedom in sight we can only hope that repatriation with his frame and wheels will happen in our lifetime. 

In the far distant future are the answers as to why and who will know, and when they will know has yet to be decided.

Electronic commumication continues between The Old Sidevalve Bar and Basils Polishing Shop. Within these missives was news of Little Walt's engine. He's made himself at home and has his own bed. Crisp white sheets and jolly comfortable they look too.

And he gets to play with his new pal Freddie whenever he wants, so yeah there you have it. It's now a waiting game.

In the meantime it's a Lockdown life for Little Walt. 

I spy with my little eye....a beer barrel full of homebrew....Oh yes - tankard dipping time !

Stay safe - 

 

Covid19 ressurection - Locked down in Yorkshireshireshire. Part 3

 #28/08/20 Basil is still locked in behind his anti-Covid19 cloaking shield that offers protection against the invisible enemy ....Better taking no chances. Unfortunately solvol-autosol and cloth stock levels are now running critically low however.... with a never say die Blighty attitude, Land of Hope and Glory blasting out of the Bose soundbar and a polishing elbow pulsating at supersonic speed Little Walt is getting shinier and shinier. In fact possibly never been shinier....

What I do know is the table Walter is resting on is in Basils Conservatory. The very table that Mrs Splutterpipe serves her guests extremely large Gin and Tonics and huge glasses of the best french vino. Now, either Basil has staged this picture whilst Mrs Splutterpipe (Fifi to her friends) was out shopping ? (Possible) Basil will be in very serious trouble if Fifi finds out (Highly likely) or Little Walter has won the heart of Fifi and this picture is all above board ( very very unlikely).

I haven't heard from Basil for a few days now...Hope he is ok !

 

Covid19 ressurection - Locked down in Yorkshireshireshire. Part 2

#20/08/20. The Covid19 virus continues to pick off those those who have dropped their guard. Socialised up close and swapped contaminated mouth droplets....Eeeekkk. What a gross thought. I'm sterilising my mouth with goodly amounts of real ale at every opportunity. (Not rinsing and spitting, just quoffing)

Still locked in/down across the valley is my chum Basil K. Splutterpipe. Thank goodness he had sense to lock in with plenty of Solvol Autosol and soft rags. Many hours has he spent rubbing the grim off Old Walt. Rubbing as if it's a magic lamp..expecting a phuff of smoke and a genie...and three wishes. No such luck, Little Walts ran out of luck many years ago...but his shine is slowly coming back....

An old repair uncovered.

The buffing is working....

More scars from the past.

 

Yee olde sump plug.

Basil K says stay safe -  Heed 'Vintafaker' safety advice.

Covid19 ressurection - Locked down in Yorkshireshireshire.

Tempus Fugit....Todays date #03/08/20.

Previous blog post 06/10/13...

Many moons have waxed....many soltices have passed...and many times hath the hour glass being turned and emptied since I wrote of 'Little Walt'.  I sit here in 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' penning an missive to anyone who may be out there to read it. For a deadly virus is sweeping the globe. Science is battling against time to save humanity. I am no scientist, I'm a 'Vintafaker'. What can I do ? I can try to piece together vintage machines, possibly useful as transport to escape into the mountains and northern moorlands when the major cities become uninhabitable. Metropolisis left to the covid mutants to cough germs on each other and live outside the law....It's true....It's happening NOW!!!!! We need an escape plan.....

Let me start work again on 'Little Walt'..He could be useful....Time is of the essence.

Alas the Grim Reaper took his crankshaft many years ago it could not be saved....but we cross our fingers and toes in the hope that enough masterful and imaginative engineering can be done on the remaining parts to flick on his life switch again. Of course a crank replacement will be needed. A crank stronger, shinier, made of modern metalics and capable of turning up and down motion into circular motion like no other Raleigh Model 17 crank has ever done before.

I am not alone in this quest at the moment. I have help. Over the valley lives a chum of mine Basil K Splutterpipe. He of very shiney Pembleton fame..(see below) A champion polisher, certified and approved by Solvol Autosol to perform aluminium polishing using only elbow grease and cloth duster. (Proper old skool)

Basil has kindly volunteered to reassemble what remains of the motor. Not as a runner but for visual only. This we will fit back into the frame and present the complete item to the UK registration authorities in the hope that 'Little Walt' will become a member of the DVLA computorised division. Only then when he has official papers will he be able to travel freely without question on the highways and byways of Blighty.

The remains of Walter were gently lifted into Basils transporter and taken to the polishing surgery for cleaning and microscopic analysis. A daily update using Non G4 methods would be sentback to H.Q. (The Old Sidevalve Bar) Social distancing measure would be observed at all times between the 2 outposts. To let ones guard down now would be disastrous.

I've said it before...Just saying it again. Poor Little Walt...We will do all we can for you mate...

Keep you posted on further developments.

Stay safe.